Recently, we've had a lot to deal with. First let's start this story with our good news that we got. On October 14th we found out that we were finally pregnant. After 18 solid months of trying, it finally happened. We were so overwhelmed and excited! I felt like this day would never come. We were so excited to share the news.
This is where this story turns south.
On the Wednesday after we found out we were pregnant, Liam and I were in a car accident. I drove through a yellow light and a lady went ahead and made a left turn right in front of me. Boom crash. Somehow it turned into my fault according to the police. Boo police suck! Still pretty aggravated about all that. I got a small contusion on my stomach and had a pretty upset stomach for several days afterward. Liam only got a small friction burn on his neck from his car seat strap. Thank goodness. We are still waiting to find out if our car is totaled. I went to the OB the day after the accident to just get checked over. Everything looked good on the ultrasound.
Then on Friday, I started to spot a little. By Sunday I was definitely miscarrying. It is a freaking awful feeling! We've tried for soooo long and never had any luck. Here we were finally pregnant and just happen to get into an accident. Agh! I seriously felt like my world had fallen to pieces. In Twilight, when Edward leaves Bella she describes it as if her chest feels like it is going to cave in and she has to hug herself so tightly to keep herself in one piece. Those are the exact feelings I had for several days. I am doing better now and really try not to think about it. Bedtime is the hardest. I am alone and just lying in bed to fall asleep and my mind won't shut off. It's so hard to be an adult and just deal with. I have only one friend who is in the exact same boat as me. We've both been trying for a long time and now we have both had a miscarriage. Other than that I feel like everything else is just empty words. I want to just forget the past week and never think about it again.
On the upside, I feel like the experience has made Tony and my relationship better. I've been struggling with appreciating the good and letting the bad go to the way side. I appreciate him so much better because if things had gone a little differently.... Liam or I could've died. Life is a lot more fragile when you go through something like that. I am so paranoid about everything now. Flashing lights, sirens, intersections. In the blink of an eye it could all be gone. So I am appreciating what I have. The awesome husband who stood and held me as I felt like I would just collapse in grief, who cried with me. I love him so much and trust him more. Liam is fine and healthy as can be and going through another big growth spurt.